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Words inspired by a failed year...


What do you want me to say? I have nothing for you. I have nothing for anybody. I have failed so many times at so many things I stopped counting.

You want me to be “normal”? To behave “normal”, to act like society expects me to?

I’m not that guy. I’m not that person. I’d rather wallow in dirt rather than accommodate to what the people around me expect me to be.

Yes, I know what that means. I know what this kind of way of thinking will eventually lead to. I don’t care and I mean it. It’s not that I’m unaware of the consequences, I am, don’t worry. It’s just that I stopped worrying about things I may or may not achieve. A diploma, a marriage, a good life and a good fortune… no, everything I need is simple. If there is one thing I need to be aware of it’s my lack of submission to the truth of my existence.

I’m not afraid of dying alone. I’m not afraid of never finding love. I’m not afraid of not making enough money. The only thing I can do is try. And as long as I try, it doesn’t matter if I die succeeding or not. If I am meant to die, I will. If I am not, I won’t. It’s that simple. The only question is, how prepared will I be at that point, when death knocks at my door to take me to the other side.

I am a man of conviction. I am a man of belief. I will work towards what I believe and won’t allow anyone hindering me on that path. Even if it means that it will take years to achieve, I shall not falter.

There is but one goal that shall ever matter: Riza-i ilahi.

Every other goal shall serve this one purpose of my life.

Every mistake, every good deed, every sacrifice and chance I take, will be an accumulation towards that one goal.

What is love, but something that perishes with death.

What is trust, but a fragile string attached between humans.

What is life without purpose, but a finite timespan in a zoo called earth.

Can you bring back the dead? Can you evade death? Can you grasp immortality? Can you stop the universe from collapsing one day?

Don’t waste time pitying me, rather have a look at the mirror and honestly reflect on your life.

The world you live in and the world I live in are quite different. We just occupy the same space, that’s all.

And as long as we deny each other, we shall remain occupying the same space, but continue living in different worlds.

You shall have this moment of joy, for that moment doesn’t exist in my world. If you think otherwise, it’s only your pathetic excuse to try dragging me into your world.

But I don’t exist there.

I really don’t.


PS: Don't take this one to serious, I feel a little melancholy. ;)
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