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Afraid of Love

 Whenever he saw her, he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help his heart smile. Physically you probably wouldn’t notice anything. One could argue that quite the opposite was the case even. When people saw him, they saw darkness and hatred. Steely eyes, eyebrows tight and eyes resigned. He couldn’t help it though, the past shaped every man and woman in its own way. And his past was filled with people looking at him in disgust. For a long time, he didn’t understand. Why they’d look at him as though he was vermin. As if he was a ticking time bomb that might go off anytime. When he was younger, he’d greet the people on the street, he’d say “Hello” in a cheery voice and would smile at them. Few would greet him back and always with an air of confusion. And the older he became, the less people would greet him back, just look at him with eyes filled by hatred and disgust. After a while, he could sense it even. He thought that might be when it started. When his happiness and the hope for a better fut
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A cycle of introspection

A voice from deep within asked him: "What is it that makes you whole?" In an empty desert, on a path chosen long ago, he stopped for a moment. He didn't wonder who the voice belonged to, he already knew. He always knew when his conscience was talking. As always, it kept taunting him or at least he thought it was. "I've given up on being whole long ago, I've accepted it... to be broken, to have fallen..." His voice was weary, tired even. Not from the endless walking, but from this ever repeating cycle of questioning. In a way, his answer felt rehearsed. This didn't justify thinking, so he didn't. An auto-response to an auto-generated series of questions. He had no answers, so why bother. "Must be nice, running away, avoiding the difficult questions, but there is an obvious flaw in your reasoning." Sometimes it scared him, this invisible voice. Ever so often, it would try to break the cycle by approaching him from new angles.
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Tears

There in the distance a faint glow - a red flickering ball in the blue sky above. I see black smoke rising and a whisper of men and women screaming resounds in my ears. “Where am I?” I wonder, scoping my surroundings in curiosity. The floor is tinted in a bluish gray - the ground I’m seated on feels hard. I look to my right and see a steep hill rising. There are lush greens on the top, but the rising is a deep brown. “Uh- ah-” A tiny voice awakens left to me. I turn around and am amazed. There is a small girl lying just next to me dressed in an all gray gown. I observe her for a moment. I wonder if she’s alright. “Who are you little girl?” I ask her. Maybe I should have started with how are you doing, but my curiosity got the better of me. “Where-” she starts “am I? Who are you? What!” She stops in mid-sentence as she catches a glimpse of her clothing. “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DRESS!” she calls out to me. “Calm down, will you? How should I know, I’m just as surp
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A failed poem...

            I needed this… Thank you.                                                                     Don’t worry. Everything is fine.       Cheer up.                                              Don’t let yourself down.                                Chin up.        You can do this.                I’m sorry.                                            Farewell.                                Why? I guess that’s the way it is.          If you say so.                 I love you.                                           I despise you.       Who are you? Who am I?                                           I failed.    I failed.       I failed. I failed.    I failed.       I failed.          I failed.      I failed.         I failed. I failed. I failed.      I failed.         
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Words inspired by a failed year...

What do you want me to say? I have nothing for you. I have nothing for anybody. I have failed so many times at so many things I stopped counting. You want me to be “normal”? To behave “normal”, to act like society expects me to? I’m not that guy. I’m not that person. I’d rather wallow in dirt rather than accommodate to what the people around me expect me to be. Yes, I know what that means. I know what this kind of way of thinking will eventually lead to. I don’t care and I mean it. It’s not that I’m unaware of the consequences, I am, don’t worry. It’s just that I stopped worrying about things I may or may not achieve. A diploma, a marriage, a good life and a good fortune… no, everything I need is simple. If there is one thing I need to be aware of it’s my lack of submission to the truth of my existence. I’m not afraid of dying alone. I’m not afraid of never finding love. I’m not afraid of not making enough money. The only thing I can do is try. And as long as I try, it doesn’
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Of petty perceptions and heroes

Tales of mighty foes and valiant heroes… Ponder on the idiotic perceptions of mankind about what is good and what is evil! When in the morning you awaken and take leave for work, tell me: Where are the fair kings in the shops on the roads along? Where is the evil foe in the mines below? And say, where is the white knight and the gentle princess in need, for when I long to be rescued or be the savior of one in peril? Petty conceptions of our fantasies. Renewed tales of baleful times! Look! Do not seek too far abroad! There are acts of heroism and malevolence all around… For even the simplest smiles and the mildest curses carry the seeds of good and evil. PS: Meh, I like the final point, but the overall "consistency" is second rate. Sorry. :)
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A last encounter in the world of dreams

There you were. And there I was. The moon’s gaze was still upon us. Surrounded by mighty mountains, In each others final stare. You asked me ‘Do you want to stay?’ I answered ‘No’ ‘But in truth, I really don’t want to go’… ‘You’ll miss your train’ she said. ‘Don’t worry, it won’t matter’ I said. The faint memory then vanished. All hope and desire perished. There you stood. There I was walking. A strange dream, perhaps not worth of talking. Maybe a farewell. Maybe a goodbye. Perhaps a madman’s illusion seen through a teary eye… Who can say, who can deny, The future, the past, the present Nor our fate we can defy…
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