Zmote on the Pen

There in the distance a faint glow - a red flickering ball in the blue sky above. I see black smoke rising and a whisper of men and women screaming resounds in my ears. “Where am I?” I wonder, scoping my surroundings in curiosity. The floor is tinted in a bluish gray - the ground I’m seated on feels hard. I look to my right and see a steep hill rising. There are lush greens on the top, but the rising is a deep brown. “Uh- ah-” A tiny voice awakens left to me. I turn around and am amazed. There is a small girl lying just next to me dressed in an all gray gown. I observe her for a moment. I wonder if she’s alright. “Who are you little girl?” I ask her. Maybe I should have started with how are you doing, but my curiosity got the better of me. “Where-” she starts “am I? Who are you? What!” She stops in mid-sentence as she catches a glimpse of her clothing. “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DRESS!” she calls out to me. “Calm down, will you? How should I know, I’m just as surp...

            I needed this… Thank you.                                                                     Don’t worry. Everything is fine.       Cheer up.                                              Don’t let yourself down.                                Chin up.        You can do this.                I’m sorry.                                            Farewell.     ...

What do you want me to say? I have nothing for you. I have nothing for anybody. I have failed so many times at so many things I stopped counting. You want me to be “normal”? To behave “normal”, to act like society expects me to? I’m not that guy. I’m not that person. I’d rather wallow in dirt rather than accommodate to what the people around me expect me to be. Yes, I know what that means. I know what this kind of way of thinking will eventually lead to. I don’t care and I mean it. It’s not that I’m unaware of the consequences, I am, don’t worry. It’s just that I stopped worrying about things I may or may not achieve. A diploma, a marriage, a good life and a good fortune… no, everything I need is simple. If there is one thing I need to be aware of it’s my lack of submission to the truth of my existence. I’m not afraid of dying alone. I’m not afraid of never finding love. I’m not afraid of not making enough money. The only thing I can do is try. And as long as I try, it doesn’...

Tales of mighty foes and valiant heroes… Ponder on the idiotic perceptions of mankind about what is good and what is evil! When in the morning you awaken and take leave for work, tell me: Where are the fair kings in the shops on the roads along? Where is the evil foe in the mines below? And say, where is the white knight and the gentle princess in need, for when I long to be rescued or be the savior of one in peril? Petty conceptions of our fantasies. Renewed tales of baleful times! Look! Do not seek too far abroad! There are acts of heroism and malevolence all around… For even the simplest smiles and the mildest curses carry the seeds of good and evil. PS: Meh, I like the final point, but the overall "consistency" is second rate. Sorry. :)

There you were. And there I was. The moon’s gaze was still upon us. Surrounded by mighty mountains, In each others final stare. You asked me ‘Do you want to stay?’ I answered ‘No’ ‘But in truth, I really don’t want to go’… ‘You’ll miss your train’ she said. ‘Don’t worry, it won’t matter’ I said. The faint memory then vanished. All hope and desire perished. There you stood. There I was walking. A strange dream, perhaps not worth of talking. Maybe a farewell. Maybe a goodbye. Perhaps a madman’s illusion seen through a teary eye… Who can say, who can deny, The future, the past, the present Nor our fate we can defy…

Do you feel the sun rise in the morning or do you lament the fall of the moon? A curious journey through the flow of time, bouncing off the wrinkles of this old sphere, our temporary home - the blue planet. Have you gone out today, breathed in the fresh air of spring? The cleansing air touches your lungs and triggers a new sensation within - you feel alive once more; and once more your woes vanish into thin air. The ground we stand and walk upon, a mix of earth and seeds of life. There exists another world, on a different scale and with another purpose. A plain field of grass I desire, a horse and a saddle, to ride towards the horizon, discover, breath and rise to new heights with my soul. I am a free man; no human shall dare to bind me. I will tear apart the chains of bondage and rise my hands towards the sky. For this world and the life forms on it are my responsibility. A scream into the empty space in front of me, a cry for help or a call for charge? Everything we do, ...

I usually write about philosophical ideas of mine or from personal experiences. Sometimes I mix those two subjects by merging them within a fictive story. Today I want to do something different. I want to recall my dream. I desire to write down what happened there. Those rare instances I remember them… I have a special connection and relation towards my dreams. So bear with me, while I recall and retell my dream to you: I’m on a plane. We’re flying. My parents are next to me. We are going to Turkey, the land of my ancestors. The air outside is cloudy, there is a weird orange hue on all of the colors, desaturated, a monochrome scene presents itself. A flash, a scene-cut, darkness. Next I remember I’m in a room with a bunch of old friends. I feel warm, I feel secure. I know them, I’ve known them for a long time. They aren’t my current friends, they had been my friends. But I feel like it’s been just yesterday. I don’t feel as if I don’t belong, quite the opposite. It’s a big ...