Zmote on the Pen

Waking up in the morning, asking yourself the same question once more: Who am I? You stand up, walk towards the door, encounter your mother, your father or your beloved one, and you ask yourself: where is all of this going? A shower, a breakfast, you leave the house for work and you catch yourself wondering: what am I doing with my life? Do you know the feeling of emptiness towards questions you postpone to answer? The same, consciousness drilling, agony triggering emptiness that haunts you with those other question marks in your life. An infinitely long string of troubling, nerve-racking questions that serve only the purpose of enlarging the hole of darkness within. Over and over we roll and we seek for the answers. But with every answer ten new questions rise and we find ourselves trapped within the devil’s circle. A terrible situation to be in and a state no one would trade you for. The abyss of the unknown and uncertainty, the life of mystery evoking only

When I get utterly bored I go for a drive. I take the car, turn up the music and hit the roads. And if its warm enough outside, I open the windows and let the breeze stroke my face. I like driving. I like the feel of independence and being able to go wherever I want. Maybe it sounds contradictory, but when you’re on the roads, the world feels even bigger. The car is my cubicle from which I observe my surroundings. I breath in freedom and exhale all negativity. Time is a value in abundance when the wheels roll. Isn’t it the theorem of Einstein relativity dictating: moving objects experience time slower? The car option is the short cut solution to feel freedom in a matter of minutes. My ancestors have lived on horseback for centuries on the windy steps of central Asia. Maybe it’s this hard-wired feeling of freedom in our gen pool that in confrontation of the modern lifestyle finds a calming warmth within a similar activity, namely on the “back” of the modern age’s horses, the

The finger pointing towards the mountain top. Throughout life, we seek happiness. Happiness and peace. We want to love and be loved. The desire of warmth and security has found a profound place in our hearts. So then how is it we are incapable of achieving what we ache for with such vehemence? “Do you look beyond the window or through it?” my mind asks. I wish I could answer “I always look beyond!” but it would be far from the truth. How often do we stop and try to visualize our planet in relation to our existences? Do we frequently judge and decide with the whole picture in mind or are we generally selfish beings who choose what’s in our interest and our interest alone? What mindset stirs the way of thinking to a happier life? “An interesting question” you say? Or “how stupid” is what you’d identify those lines with? There are so many philosophical approaches to our existence on this planet next to religious ones. Is it possible for them to co-exist? Hap

When I stop for a moment and look around myself… The thing I ought stopping to do in the future. Maybe. Or maybe I should do it more? I don’t know. I should get help. But help costs money, or at least useful ones do. The ones you get from “family” and “friends” is as cheap as Alkaline batteries. I’m confused. Irritated by all of the development going on around me. I’m sad. I feel the pathetic factor grow stronger. I fear. I’m afraid of landing in the gutter. My ambitions now seems nothing more than pieces of paper hung up on an imaginary tree’s branches… awaiting the next breeze to tear them away. We are but voices to be smothered. People without worth. Lost creatures wandering the surface of the earth wondering about the purpose of existence. Is it strange that it should be the people detached from the bonds of society and humanity who question their being the most frequent? What comes down to earth, what goes up to heaven? Who knows. Or does somebod